timwburke

Follow the escapades of The Mad Earl Fazgood in this rollicking tale based on the should-be-true adventures of a delightfully bizarre nobleman run rampant.

All seems straight-forward enough when Fazgood and his compatriots sail in search of his much beloved but ever-elusive moosecrab stew, despite everyone, everywhere wanting him dead for no good reason at all. Sailing from port to port doesn’t seem to evade his executioners so Fazgood goes to the capital of the Kingdom, despite being an exile, hoping for at least one bowl of moosecrab stew before he must surely face his doom.

Instead of moosecrab, however, Fazgood and his outrageous companions find corruption, deception, and an ancient talisman that could easily dissolve the very Kingdom he hates to love.

Fazgood finds himself conniving the highest ranks of society into helping him solve the problem of his imminent demise or, for that matter, the Kingdom’s. And he does what any good hero would do: he crafts a plan so cunning, so secret, even he cannot fathom it.

Join the Mad Earl and his compatriots as they traverse a Kingdom filled with peaceful, god-ruled citizenry ranging from carnivorous plants to sorcerous gas bubbles.

Will he save the Kingdom that set him on his felonious life or will he let the Kingdom be digested?

And will he ever get his god-poxied moosecrab?

WHY WAIT BREATHLESSLY? Order now!

Hello Burkers,

Smother anyone lately?

“Saints of Flesh” has launched, adding to the story of Olivia Cormier Spalding and to the shelves of readily available work by Yours Truly. “The Flesh Sutra” is available, giving you the origin story of Olivia and Alecsi. It also provided the title quote, from my co-worker at my day job. I’m surrounded by horror fans at my job; such a cheery place, who would have guessed?

Yesterday, I attended CapClave in Rockville, Maryland. Old friends attended, including Dr. Lawrence Schoen whose cancers are in remission. It was such a relief to see him better. This was my second convention attended while in “business mode”, and again I put out some postcards, and again I did not have a plan or goals. It’s best to have a plan (Meet so-and-so, ask editors if they have upcoming projects), but I’m being patient with myself as I learn. Only my second convention, after all.

Meanwhile, I look forward to World Fantasy Con in Kansas City at the end of October. My next book “Fazgood and the Obstreperous Moosecrab Caper” launches there, and I’ll have plenty of support from friends and publisher.

This fantasy book “Fazgood etc” is pretty zany compared to my other books. Keep in mind that my aesthetic sense is based on ’70s humor, including “Monty Python”. So mutations and silly walks have a similar basis for me.

Jordan Peele recently said that the difference between horror and humor is the soundtrack, and generally, yes, I agree. There are many examples where the statement is stretching past the breaking point, but hey, that’s Rhetoric.

Now. What am I working on? I’ve got a couple of short stories in front of beta readers. Just got a rejection from Pseudopod, but no biggee, that story is off to Bourbon Penn. I’m playing around with more Olivia, have a surrealist novel idea, and am just appreciating my life. I’m figuring out how to afford a new vehicle (Toyota RAV4?).

Recently went with my oldest friend to see The Psychedelic Furs and Squeeze at the Philadelphia Met. I know their hits, but had no idea Squeeze had four musicians on string and two percussionists. Both bands were great, but Squeeze made my jaw drop.

I’m using voice to text software for this post to see how well it works. Today I want to talk about starting a short story from scratch without even an idea as to the type of monster to make or even the tone of the story. First thing, I created a list of experiences in life I found disturbing or scary:

Home invasions, Insects on my body, Blood, Helplessness, Cocooning, Parasitism,Delusion, Torture, Pitch black darkness, Greek Tragedy, Turning against loved ones, Betrayal of trust, Loss of free will/identity, Trapped underground, Being an outsider, Vanishing without a trace, Impending unpleasantness

I created a list of movies and media that really made a great impact and I wanted to emulate to any degree. I’m a little disappointed that I recalled more movies than books:

Hereditary, Megan Is Missing (the premise and ending are so disturbing, I dare not see the movie), Get Out, Ringu (I liked Ring more), The Strangers (again, I will not watch this), US, Open Water (nope, not watching it), The Descent (I’ll watch this eventually), Se7en, Frailty, Midsommar, The Mist (movie is better than the novella), Session 9, Tomei, Junji Ito manga, Lolita the novel (listen to Jeremy Irons do the audiobook its amazing)

I was wondering if humor could play a factor in this and if so, I could see if some humor could seep into the story. Here’s a list of stuff that was fun to make: to find out what I considered funny.

The Marx Brothers, The Three Stooges, Steve Martin, Fights that go back and forth across doorways, The Three Flavors Cornetto Trilogy (frigging brilliant), Pink Panther movies, Confederacy of Dunces, Hitchhikers Guides, Hyperbole and a Half, Jeeves and Wooster, Addams Family

There are a lot others but, yeah, I’m a middle-aged white bro.

I was surprised at the overlap between the disturbing and the funny.

Subverting tropes, Otherworldly mythos, Wordplay, Motivated yet relentless characters, Home invasions, Unreliable loved ones, More than a little self-delusion.

Now that I’ve done this, I can forget all about these lists and let them sit in the background.

Now let’s talk images and what they can spur. We hear of a writer experiencing something and being inspired by that sensation. I keep my Instagram, TikTok, Facebook, WordPress reader, YouTube, and Twitter loaded with photographers, artists, musicians, scientists, historians, psychologists, philosophers, and other smarties. I don’t get out much, so I need a steady supply of the Neato Ideas.

These Ideas will mix and mash and come up with things like:

A garland of roses looks like a coral worm, what if a vampire had duck louse instead of fangs, what if the YouTube algorithm invoked a primal Elder God, if dogs were elevated would they hire us to lick their asses, why doesn’t Delaware have cryptids or are they just real good at hiding, could post-humans lease out their body parts, would giants use people as kitchen appliances

Which are what’s been banging around in my head for the past week or so. Except the dog thing, that just occurred to me.

I’m doing all this because I am stripped of story ideas right now. I’m hoping something will shake out for a short story. It’s possible I may have to write to market for anthologies for a while just to get momentum back.

In future posts, I’ll show my next steps.

Some years ago, I posted a sour assessment of “Zen and The Art of Writing”, a memoir by Ray Bradbury of his life and writing. He seemed to rest his success on his supportive upbringing and sunny disposition, neither of which I had a lot of while growing up. I have not revisited my post, but this summary makes a good case for ZatAoW as a good writing guide.

Have a look and I do recommend buying the book from your local bookseller.