timwburke

The Life Cycle of a Comic Book Movie

As a segment or interstitials

EACH NUMBERED SCENE REPRESENTS A DIFFERENT DAY. EACH SCENE MAY BE CAPTIONED “WITH DATE”

1. At store “Spring”

OLIVIA:
Jet Girl’s been optioned for a movie!

ASHLEY:
Finally! I can’t wait!

KATE:
And…the option just ran out!

2. COFFEE SHOP “summer”

ASHLEY:
Jet Girl’s been optioned again!

OLIVIA:
Cool!

KATE:
Hey guys! Hear the Jet Girl option fell through?

3. PLAYING VIDEO IN APT. “winter yEAR ONE”

ASHLEY:
Jet Girl’s been optioned. Again.

OLIVIA:
Uh huh.

KATE:
And they’re in pre-production!

OLIVIA:
Who is the producer?

KATE:
Jon Peters.

ASHLEY:
Who?

KATE:
Mister Spiders in ‘Wild Wild West.’

OLIVIA:
Fuck a duck!

4. Game store “SPRING YEAR ONE”

ASHLEY:
Jon Peters isn’t producing Jet Girl.

KATE:
That’s a relief. Who?

ASHLEY:
Michael Bey. ‘Splody!

OLIVIA:
Fuck A DUCK!

5. At Passional “SUMMER YEAR ONE”

ASHLEY:
Michael Bey passed on Jet Girl.

OLIVIA:
Yeah, and?

KATE:
It’s being produced by a partnership of German multinationals.

OLIVIA:
Germans? Not Uwe Boll.

KATE:
Some guy named Werner Herzog.

6. At bar “SUMMER YEAR ONE”

OLIVIA:
Who’s directing?

ASHLEY:
Kathryn Bigelow.

KATE:
Woot!

7. At store “FALL YEAR ONE”

OLIVIA:
Who’s directing now?

ASHLEY:
Zack Snyder.

OLIVIA:
Well….

KATE:
Lots of slo-motion!

All act out fighting in slow motion!

8. At bar “FALL YEAR ONE”

OLIVIA:
Who’s directing?

ASHLEY:
Dennis Dugan.

KATE:
Who?

ASHLEY:
Adam Sandler movies.

OLIVIA:
Fuck!

ASHLEY:
The treatment is being worked up by…Diablo Cody.

KATE:
Okay. Maybe.

9. Store “SPRING YEAR TWO”

ASHLEY:
New treatment is being worked up by Kevin Smith.

OLIVIA:
OK.

10. Over a pizza “SUMMER YEAR TWO”

ASHLEY:
All 27 treatments are being combined and being worked up by…some kid who did a steampunk zombie movie.

KATE:
We have to get Zoe Bell to play JetGirl.

OLIVIA:
Online petition! Zoe Bell! Zoe Bell! Zoe Bell!

All go to their smartphones and begin typing! Close up of fingers flying.

11. IN PARK “SUMMER YEAR TWO”

ASHLEY:
They are casting her as Jet Girl!

OLIVIA:
Who?

ASHLEY:
Zoe Deschanel!

OLIVIA:
(Screams at the computer)
Not all Zoes are the same!

ASHLEY:
But my niece will love it!

12. At bar “SUMMER YEAR TWO”

ASHLEY:
The role of Commander Harding of Jet Corps is…

KATE:
please-Samuel-Jackson-please-Samuel-Jackson-please-

ASHLEY:
Played by an animated cat voiced by Jim Carrey.

Anguished wail. Ashley is still hopeful.

13. Sidewalk, on phone “SUMMER YEAR TWO”

ASHLEY:
Got the bootleg. It looks pretty good!

KATE:
(Hopeful)
Really?

ASHLEY:
It doesn’t have soundtrack or special effects or color correction and its an AVI, but it looks good!

KATE:
Cool!

14. Store, on computer “SUMMER YEAR TWO”

OLIVIA:
Soundtrack by Molly Hatchett?!

ASHLEY:
Oooh! A girl group?

KATE:
(on phone)
Clark! Did you see the ‘Jet Girl’ preview at Comic Con?

CLARK:
(Comic Con footage)
Hello? Hello?

KATE:
I can’t hear you! What? Clark said the preview’s great!

15. Opening at theater, “XMAS YEAR 2”:

Lights come up in theater.

ASHLEY:
Loved it!

OLIVIA:
Intrigued by it!

KATE:
Meh.

OLIVIA:
We have to watch it again.

Lights come up again.

ASHLEY:
Adore it!

OLIVIA:
That was the grittiest animated cat I’ve ever seen!

KATE:
I don’t know what to make of this.

16. Discussion boards! LOGOS FLY BY!

17. APARTMENT “WINTER YEAR TWO”

ASHLEY:
I got the official DVD!

I got the Blu-Ray special box set with director’s cut and additional disc of deleted scenes, three documentaries, interviews, and commentary tracks.

OLIVIA:
I heard the commentary tracks. I knew Jim Carrey was misunderstood!

In background, Clark is counting his money.

18. Store “SPRING YEAR THREE”

OLIVIA:

Jet Girl Two is in production. The cast wants a raise. Three, two, one…

Ping updates their phones; all check.

ASHLEY:
Jet Girl is being rebooted.

KATE:
The new director is Roberto Begnini.

ALL:
Groan.

END