timwburke

An epic thief enters middle-age mad, bad, and dangerously neurotic. After a life of offending entire civilizations, that thief Fazgood smuggles himself and compatriots back into his home city…the city that Wants Him Dead. Once smuggled, he uncovers an earth-shattering secret, multiple traitor-ings, a new type of magic and more, all toward his goal: a home-cooked meal. Or did Fazgood send himself on a mission so secret that he himself doesn’t know the mission exists? To quote: “That is the sort of thing I would do, the bastard.”

Unorthodox plotline with a major twist! Death-defying, absurd heroism! Sensuous massages! Villains villains villains! A narrative voice that will make you say “does that word exist? and if not, it should!”

Meet Fazgood! His brilliant familiar Warren the weasel! Fazgood’s entourage: the panplasmic Calzjha!

Can Fazgood win the day? Can he defeat the villains and save the kingdom that Wants Him Dead? Will he get his fluxion-damned meal?

Pre-order now for ONLY $3.99! Do not wait! Your very soul needs this book!