The Life Cycle of a Comic Book Movie
As a segment or interstitials
EACH NUMBERED SCENE REPRESENTS A DIFFERENT DAY. EACH SCENE MAY BE CAPTIONED “WITH DATE”
1. At store “Spring”
OLIVIA:
Jet Girl’s been optioned for a movie!
ASHLEY:
Finally! I can’t wait!
KATE:
And…the option just ran out!
2. COFFEE SHOP “summer”
ASHLEY:
Jet Girl’s been optioned again!
OLIVIA:
Cool!
KATE:
Hey guys! Hear the Jet Girl option fell through?
3. PLAYING VIDEO IN APT. “winter yEAR ONE”
ASHLEY:
Jet Girl’s been optioned. Again.
OLIVIA:
Uh huh.
KATE:
And they’re in pre-production!
OLIVIA:
Who is the producer?
KATE:
Jon Peters.
ASHLEY:
Who?
KATE:
Mister Spiders in ‘Wild Wild West.’
OLIVIA:
Fuck a duck!
4. Game store “SPRING YEAR ONE”
ASHLEY:
Jon Peters isn’t producing Jet Girl.
KATE:
That’s a relief. Who?
ASHLEY:
Michael Bey. ‘Splody!
OLIVIA:
Fuck A DUCK!
5. At Passional “SUMMER YEAR ONE”
ASHLEY:
Michael Bey passed on Jet Girl.
OLIVIA:
Yeah, and?
KATE:
It’s being produced by a partnership of German multinationals.
OLIVIA:
Germans? Not Uwe Boll.
KATE:
Some guy named Werner Herzog.
6. At bar “SUMMER YEAR ONE”
OLIVIA:
Who’s directing?
ASHLEY:
Kathryn Bigelow.
KATE:
Woot!
7. At store “FALL YEAR ONE”
OLIVIA:
Who’s directing now?
ASHLEY:
Zack Snyder.
OLIVIA:
Well….
KATE:
Lots of slo-motion!
All act out fighting in slow motion!
8. At bar “FALL YEAR ONE”
OLIVIA:
Who’s directing?
ASHLEY:
Dennis Dugan.
KATE:
Who?
ASHLEY:
Adam Sandler movies.
OLIVIA:
Fuck!
ASHLEY:
The treatment is being worked up by…Diablo Cody.
KATE:
Okay. Maybe.
9. Store “SPRING YEAR TWO”
ASHLEY:
New treatment is being worked up by Kevin Smith.
OLIVIA:
OK.
10. Over a pizza “SUMMER YEAR TWO”
ASHLEY:
All 27 treatments are being combined and being worked up by…some kid who did a steampunk zombie movie.
KATE:
We have to get Zoe Bell to play JetGirl.
OLIVIA:
Online petition! Zoe Bell! Zoe Bell! Zoe Bell!
All go to their smartphones and begin typing! Close up of fingers flying.
11. IN PARK “SUMMER YEAR TWO”
ASHLEY:
They are casting her as Jet Girl!
OLIVIA:
Who?
ASHLEY:
Zoe Deschanel!
OLIVIA:
(Screams at the computer)
Not all Zoes are the same!
ASHLEY:
But my niece will love it!
12. At bar “SUMMER YEAR TWO”
ASHLEY:
The role of Commander Harding of Jet Corps is…
KATE:
please-Samuel-Jackson-please-Samuel-Jackson-please-
ASHLEY:
Played by an animated cat voiced by Jim Carrey.
Anguished wail. Ashley is still hopeful.
13. Sidewalk, on phone “SUMMER YEAR TWO”
ASHLEY:
Got the bootleg. It looks pretty good!
KATE:
(Hopeful)
Really?
ASHLEY:
It doesn’t have soundtrack or special effects or color correction and its an AVI, but it looks good!
KATE:
Cool!
14. Store, on computer “SUMMER YEAR TWO”
OLIVIA:
Soundtrack by Molly Hatchett?!
ASHLEY:
Oooh! A girl group?
KATE:
(on phone)
Clark! Did you see the ‘Jet Girl’ preview at Comic Con?
CLARK:
(Comic Con footage)
Hello? Hello?
KATE:
I can’t hear you! What? Clark said the preview’s great!
15. Opening at theater, “XMAS YEAR 2”:
Lights come up in theater.
ASHLEY:
Loved it!
OLIVIA:
Intrigued by it!
KATE:
Meh.
OLIVIA:
We have to watch it again.
Lights come up again.
ASHLEY:
Adore it!
OLIVIA:
That was the grittiest animated cat I’ve ever seen!
KATE:
I don’t know what to make of this.
16. Discussion boards! LOGOS FLY BY!
17. APARTMENT “WINTER YEAR TWO”
ASHLEY:
I got the official DVD!
I got the Blu-Ray special box set with director’s cut and additional disc of deleted scenes, three documentaries, interviews, and commentary tracks.
OLIVIA:
I heard the commentary tracks. I knew Jim Carrey was misunderstood!
In background, Clark is counting his money.
18. Store “SPRING YEAR THREE”
OLIVIA:
Jet Girl Two is in production. The cast wants a raise. Three, two, one…
Ping updates their phones; all check.
ASHLEY:
Jet Girl is being rebooted.
KATE:
The new director is Roberto Begnini.
ALL:
Groan.
END
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