Three Wrong Doctors

16 10 2012

The Doctor’s Red-Haired Helper pulled her handgun. Daleks appeared at the end of the hallway.
Metallic voices distorted with terror, the Daleks swept by her. “Mercy! Mercy!”
They fled down the hall into the darkness.
She steeled herself and stepped to the end of the hall. Gun ready, she sprang into the chamber.
The sight makes her slack with awe. “Good lord, Doctor!”
The Doctor had opened a Dalek at its lid.
“Oh hello, Clarice.”
His Sonic Fork speared and withdrew a quivering chunk of Dalek flesh.
He chewed, lost in thought. “The taste reminds me of foie gras I had in Italy. It’s so convenient that Daleks come already tinned.”

The Doctor presented his Sonic Turkey Carver to Rory. “Remember that ya have to hold it just so, you see. You cut into the bird like so-o-o-o-o-o…”
Rory slipped on his own bright cardigan sweater. He swung the knife at the Weeping Angel. With a rattle like a jackhammer, the blade cut through her wrist. Her hand shattered on the sidewalk.
Rory replied, “You cut into the bird like so-o-o-o-o-o!”
“Son, I’m proud of ya! But keep your eye on her, ‘cause if she touches you then you’re scoo-doobly-pada-bam back in the ‘60’s with Bobby Culp.”

K-9 exclaimed, “Doctor! Life forms are approaching!”
The Doctor brought his hands to his breast. “At last! Living beings! I am at my wit’s end dealing with machines!”
The metal ears rotated. “But Doctor, these life forms may be dangerous!”
“Silence! They’ll have more heart in them than you, you titanium tetrahedral terrier! If I see another miserable mass of metal I will have a nervous collapse!”
Human shapes emerged as he spoke.
“At last, my saviors! Welcome!”
K-9 turned and sped away.
The Cybermen approached. “You will be like us!”
The Doctor looked to the heavens. “Oh the pain. The pa-a-a-a-a-ain!”

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