Trying Advertising Campaigns and BOOK TWO IS GO!

29 10 2018

I’m trying Amazon Sales Marketing to promote Lampreyhead Book Two. I have set a “per-click” budget of 22 cents per click with a limit of $100. The goal is to see if the twenty two cents brings in a purchase at $2.99. If not, I will have to change tactics, or ad copy, or maybe even venues.

The audio book is on hold until I can get the advertsingbudget established. My dayjob is in retail. I do not want to take out of savings, because I already did that to do the cover art.

So! Book Two is out!

“The action scenes are fantastic! Wow. The story really pulled me in.” – Dona Fox, Amazon horror author

Ned didn’t dare turn to look. He burst through the doors and out the back door. Sprayed the threshold.
He scooped up the bag he’d left at the door. Ran around the side of the store to the front.
Bag bouncing in left hand and squirt gun raised in his right, Ned clenched his jaw and rounded the corner to the side of the store. He slowed as he approached the next corner. He crouched and peered.
The glass doors glowed with divine light. Along the door sat several white propane tanks, obviously brought by the Banquet.
Hands at his eyes, Bogen snarled. “Let us in!”
The other three played with Don like cats with a mouse. The woman seized his face. She lifted him from his feet. She reached under her hem and produced a gleaming knife. She lowered her mouth onto his. Waggled her head in mockery of a passionate kiss as the knife came down onto his face. Don thrashed and kicked.
What do I do? I can’t let him die!
She dropped him, Don’s face black with gore. His lips seemed impossibly wide, showing blackened teeth in the blue light.
She sliced his lips off.
The rest fell upon him.
Pieces flew. Something like cloth flipped away then flopped like a wet towel.
Don’s legs kicked in electric agony.
Above the scene, a voice called in their strange, hissing language.
Atop the roof, glowing sickly yellow from the Top Tech sign, the Judas in a chef’s hat waved a white-clad arm. He thrust a white arm behind him to the roof.
The skylights!
Ned cursed himself.
The roof had a dozen skylights. Each were protected only by a grill of thin iron.
I have to shut him up!
It was easily twenty feet up to the roof. Ned didn’t remember the last time he’d leapt that high.
He set down his bag and took out the jug of holy water.
He crouched. Hesitated. Took three steps back. Cursed himself and ran to the wall. Stomped with all his strength.
Mid-air, his foot as his work shoe went flying. The jug loosened in his grip.
For a hysterical moment, the jug gurgled inches from his face. He bobbled it and thrust it above his head.
He landed on the roof off balance. His right foot slid from beneath him and he landed on his ass. The plastic jug skittered away against the tar paper.
The chef hissed again, joyful and grotesque.
His white ass pointed at Ned.
Scooping up the jug, Ned removed the cap. A beam of light shot from within. He held the jug at arm’s length.
Ned crept behind the chef. He threw the plastic bottle and ducked away.
The chef’s back exploded.
The chef screamed. He clawed at his back as the holy water savaged him. Scrabbling and twisting, he lost his footing. The chef tumbled over the edge of the building.
Ned gained a lease on his lamprey-themed, vampire-prototype life. His new handler Amanda is ready with fashion advice, business acumen, or her gun. He provides days-long orgasms to now higher-paying clients. Ned wants to bury his selfish past. Thanks to his new magic books, he resolves to fight his family of fellow prototypes, the Formulae.
When Amanda finds Evil at a big box electronics store, Ned leaps in ready to fight and get that employee discount. But the best employees disappear. Mysterious customers buy startling amounts of stuff. TVs show visions of cannibal blood-feasts. Spirits say the store is doomed.
Are the Formulae involved?
In the spirit of Clive Barker and Stephen King, Ned gets fishy. Can he save the missing employees? Save the store from massacre? Or will he just swim away with quality electronics at a low price?

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Amazon Review: FIVE STARS for Lampreyhead Book One!

24 10 2018

He was created to please Satan, then – abandoned. Our hero is an abominable creature who, though…

Says author Dona Fox!

Click it! Click it and read!

My romp has emotional underpinnings that may out-Herzog Herzog. If you like the idea of Herzog creating a “Buffy” episode, it seems this may be the series for you.

Find out for yourself! Click the cover to read on Kindle Unlimited or purchase it outright. It’s just in time for Halloween. Takes only three hours to read. Try it today.

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Get Your “Lampreyhead” On Today!

9 10 2018

The buzz is getting buzzier! Page reads are flying on Kindle Unlimited. Says a reviewer:

I could see this as a series on SyFy.

Starring Bruce Campbell? Swoon!

Is the reader right? Could this be sponsored by Geico?

Have a look for yourself. It’s on Kindle Unlimited or get it for free on today!

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Tomorrow Get “A Toothsome Romp”! For FREE!

8 10 2018

A reader declared “Fishtown Blood Bath: Lampreyhead Book One”:

A toothsome romp from start to finish. Juicy but not too gory.

Don’t miss out on a book filled with vampire prototypes, evil magic, the personal growth regimen of the undead, and why Satan hasn’t shown up on Earth yet. Read it for free starting Tuesday. Or click below and read it on Kindle Unlimited today.

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Fifteen-Horror-Movies-For-2017 Suckage

28 12 2016

Thirteen of fifteen are either reboots or sequels.
WTF.
Looking forward to two. Intrigued by a third.
The only ones I’m looking forward to: “Alien: Covenant” and that’s because Ridley Scott’s onboard. Neither of the writers give me hope (one exec produced/wrote for TVs “Heroes” and “Smallville” , the other wrote the last Bond movies and “Penny Dreadful”), because their work screams “QUIRKY ACTION ONE NOTE ADVENTURE SO MARKETABLE!”
And “Kong” because giant ape.
Not “IT”, as it has director of “Mama”, who got better performances from the CGI than the talented human cast, and the writer of goddam “Annabelle” (and “Annabelle 2” also on the list).
“Leatherface”? “Friday the 13th”? No, no. Could you conceive of anyone bringing any fresh nuance to “It kills horny teens. Go with it”?

“Dark Tower”? Lost interest in Stephen King. The latest SK adaptations have been really over the top bad, except for “The Mist”, which the movie improved.

So….what intrigues me?
Could it be “Insidious”? “Saw”? “Rings”? Uh-uh. Lay off the MTV movie effects.
“Resident Evil” only to see if Mila can still make those leaps.
“The Tom Cruise Action Adventure Movie thatohyeahhastheSorceressfromSucideSquadinoneshot” written by Guy Who Writes All Tom’s Movies and directed by the guiding hand of “Hawaii Five-Oh”?
“Susperia”! That must be what intrigues me! Nope. Never got into Giallo. However! The writer scribed black magic Nazi B-Movie “Blood Creek”. And the role of the mysterious ballet master is played by TILDA SWINTON. So maybe.
What movie intrigues me?
“The Bye Bye Man” is written and directed by a married couple who’ve worked in B Movies for years. Director wife almost exclusively in horror. Writer husband as actor in dozens of TV shows. These are the kind of folk who bring fresh ideas. Granted, the trailer seems to show a rehash of “Sinister”, but I have hopes here.

So, my perfect 2017 movie would have shadowy killers fighting xenomorphs until Kong gets sick of it and bashes it all with a helicopter.

At least Damon Lindelof isn’t anywhere to be seen.





Our Fascism Will Be Prettier

14 12 2016

 





How Deep A Horror Movie Can Go

27 10 2016

I would like to do something like this in a story or a video, but how? It takes “meta” in a whole different direction.

Touch Dakota Fanning’s hotter sister for more.

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From The Director of “Audition”, The Most Amazing Movie Idea Of The Year

18 10 2016




Chewing Out From An Eyesocket Soon At A Bargain Rate

25 09 2016

and other sad fates await later this week! On the preliminary ballot for the 2014 Stoker Awards and ready for your eager eyes. Only $.99 this coming Friday.

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The New “Blair Witch” Movie…

15 09 2016

…reminds me of what is needed to make a realistic USA horror story: The Heavilly Armed.

 

SPOILERS!

I mean, we’re deep into Reel Three and White College Chick Rocking The Jeans is locked in a tunnel under the scary Witch House. Without any to-do, she unfolds a huge camping knife that wasn’t even implied in the first two reels.

Every human I know would have heard the Dreadful Wail on Night One, then walked around with that knife out at arms length for the rest of their damn lives.

I mean, I work in retail in a tiny rural state and I’ll bet I could go through the parking lot, break into the cars, and come back with Travis Bickle’s wet dream (before someone shot me).

There was a Dixie-Flaggin’ Redneck Couple in this movie. Was either one strapped? Did they have a hound dog or a trained Pittie? Nerp. The Cute College Black Couple? Any knives or even mace? Nowp. They did make the usual black-comic-relief-characters-have common-sense “Let’s get out of here” exclamations before being killed seperately BY TREES AND GRAVITY.

Which left the two suburban white kids, in case we didn’t know the target audience, here they are.

Would these weapons have done anything against a Blair Witch? Who knows? The B doesn’t have any vulnerabilities. Is she Satan-powered? Alien-powered? A ghost? Without any idea as to how to fight the B, where’s the tension?

One of these kids could have pulled out a Bible or rigged up some Predator style booby traps or crossed some streams or something. That would have been a movie.

This? Eeeesh, it was so bad, I thought James Wan had produced it.








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